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Before I start on my life update I would like to thank and apologize to all my readers.  Thank you for all the nice comments and support you have left on my blog over the years.  It is very nice to see positive and supportive people share their experiences dealing with ADHD.  I am very sorry for not updating my blog and responding to your posts.  Events in my life caught up with me and I did not have time to update my blog.  Again, I am very sorry.

It has been a little over two years since I have updated my blog and a lot has changed… for the better!  I have been off of Adderall for two years and two years ago I did not think it was possible to come this far.  Today I feel like a new person but this did not happen over night.  In January 2008 I decided it was time to stop taking Adderall because the depression and the negative effects on my personal life were taking its toll.  I stopped hanging out with my friends, flaked on engagements, and was very negative to be around.  My world was isolated and nothing else mattered.  I didn’t care about other people while on the drug and it turned me into someone who I did not want to be.  Around May of 08 I stopped taking it completely and realized it was time to get my act together.  I had finished all my classes for graduate school in 07 and should have graduated.  My depression from Adderall got so bad I failed to write my thesis.  Once I got off of the drug I had the usual withdraw symptoms but it actually was not that bad.  If anything, it was all psychological because I did not believe I could be smart without it.  Thankfully I was wrong!

During the Summer of 08 I reached out to my professor and explained to him that I had been going through some hard times.  I felt ready to take on my thesis and get the ball rolling again.  I told him that I cleaned up my act and asked for another chance.  Thankfully he understood my situation and agreed to re-enroll me into the program.  So that entire summer I started writing the proposal for my thesis and began to move on from Adderall.

It was very hard working on my thesis without Adderall because my mind would just wander out of the blue.  I would start writing and then quickly loose focus.  It was hard in the beginning but I managed to figure out when it was time to take breaks.  In time I got better but things were not perfect.  I had many typos on my proposal because I lost focus and would frequently lose my train of thought… like Rick Perry Oops!

By the end of 2008 I quit my job to work on my thesis full time because I wanted to get it done.  It cost me a lot of money to stop working but in the end it was worth it.  I completed my thesis in March of 2009 and finally graduated with my Master’s Degree in May of that year.  It was a great feeling because I did it without Adderall. I felt like my old self again and things got a lot better.

After graduating I was studying for some certifications and was having difficultly focusing on the material.  Although it was frustrating, I had a very positive attitude.  When taking a break from studying one day I happened to come across an old bottle of Adderall while looking for some food in my kitchen.  Out of curiosity I wanted to take one to see if it would help me.  I had come so far from withdrawing from Adderall and to even consider taking it again seemed crazy.  I ended up popping one and it felt very good at first but as time went on I started having flash backs and all off the negative feelings I experienced before.  After that happened I did the right thing and flushed all the pills down the toilet.  That was back in September of 2009 and I have been clean since.

Now it is November 2011 and I feel great.  I still have struggles with ADHD in general but my social life is better and I am not isolated anymore.  I try to keep a positive attitude and not be negative about things.  This has helped me a lot and I have achieved a lot of goals since I last updated this blog.

Although my days of taking Adderall are behind me now I will still continue to update my blog.  I have many stories and experiences I want to share so stay tuned!

To all the people struggling with ADHD and Adderall don’t give up!  There is a light at the end of the tunnel and you can get there.  I thought I would never get there but I did!  Stay positive and good things will happen!

Thanks again to all my readers,

Aihaki

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